#23: I’m Not Okay
Past several months, I have been feeling depressed, lonely, disengaged, and withdrawn. First, I got divorced earlier this year on Valentine’s Day. Second, I got laid off from my amazing job at Microsoft earlier this year. Third, various global events in play such as COVID-19, war in Ukraine, high inflation, and thousands of layoffs in tech. Finally, I lost touch with many friends who are too busy to be bothered. I’m not okay.
Lost It
One of the key things that drives innovation and the key to a successful career in Cybersecurity and technology is curiosity. When we are younger, curiosity burns like wild fire. Unfortunately, because of the things I highlighted above, it feels like my spark is lost and my curiosity has been extinguished. It feels like being lost at sea and being at the mercy of ocean currents to drive us to destination unknown. I’m not okay. Also, I feel that many people feel the same way and are also suffering. So, what to do?
Act
First, if we are suffering from poor mental health, it is important to acknowledge it and be okay with not being okay. This is hard to do because the expectation not just at work but at home is often to ignore issues and keep the factory running so to speak. But similar to a Windows PC that keeps opening windows, eventually the PC is going to crash. It is important to be able to hit the STOP button or end tasks in Windows, and say no to meetings and work. Have the courage to say: “I can’t do this right now” and “I need to stop and take a vacation”. Otherwise, just like the Windows PC, you might get the dreaded BSOD (Blue Screen of Death). I probably have that on my face right now…
Second, get help. Find a therapist or a support group. Talk to friends who are able to listen. Remember: You are not alone. I am, but you don’t have to be.
Third, stop and re-evaluate. Even better, find the root cause of your mental health issues. Similar to debugging code, once you stop the program and find time to look at your own software code, you might find something is bothering you. It’s just harder to find buggy problematic code when the program is running. Maybe once you find the problem, you can do things differently to get out of your funk and break the endless loop.
Finally, if you lost the spark that once ignited the fire of your curiosity, maybe it is time to start a new journey to find it….
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company.
