#12: How My Life Changed After Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD in January 2021. I had suffered from these conditions my entire life. I was often considered quirky, weird, strange, alien, etc. Here’s how my life changed after my diagnosis.

Self

When my diagnosis was confirmed professionally after diagnostic testing, I felt peace and relief. Before that, the world seemed confused and blurry. Living felt like running Windows commands in Linux and did not understand why things did not work. For the first time, everything made sense and I finally had some direction to get organized with my life. I hoped that getting the diagnosis would help me to live a better life.

Divorce

By the time of my diagnosis, my ex-wife had already abandoned me in November 2020 and moved out. She told me that she could not support me emotionally and she saw me as a child. The diagnosis did not change anything for her. She saw me as a burden and a waste of her time. In fact, she saw my Neurodiverse conditions as excuses and fake, something that was made up and not real. Part of this is cultural since the Asian country she is from very much demonizes Neurodiversity and it is considered shameful. So, she left.

In 2020, COVID-19 already made things stressful, but I was mentally crippled with depression and anxiety when my manager took his own life. Losing an amazing boss and top supporter was shocking and emotionally devastating. So, when that happened, the safety net was gone, and I was bullied and treated like garbage since I was so vulnerable. I had to constantly look over my shoulder and worry about being insulted or attacked without warning for every little mistake. It got to the point where managers felt that it was okay to lie about my performance and they attempted to get me fired. Nobody helped me or cared that I was depressed. I was alone.

Family

My siblings were surprisingly much more supportive of my diagnosis. Because of Asian culture and Confucian values, mental health and Neurodiversity is often ignored. However, they all knew I was quirky, strange, weird, and never really fit in. So, the diagnosed helped break down walls and made it easier to talk about these issues openly. Some of my siblings even praised me for having the courage to seek help. I lost my father about 6–7 years ago. My mother was in a care home with Alzheimer’s and hardly remembers me. Neither of them ever helped me.

Lost Friends

Among friends, things got complicated. Some friends absolutely hated me for getting diagnosed and being open about my Neurodiversity. One yelled at me in anger because he felt that I should hide it instead due to the widespread discrimination that exists in many workplaces today, he was also angry that I even mentioned it in social media. Another who was one of my good friends from high school felt that Autism is fake and a conspiracy from Big Pharma to take advantage of people. At the very least most people felt a little bit uncomfortable.

New Friends

At the same time, getting diagnosed and understanding more about Neurodiversity helped me to find my tribe and to network with others like me. Turns out there are people with Autism, ADHD, and other Neurodiverse conditions all over the world. Many still hide out of fear, but many more are very much open about it and help others. In the past year, I have seen more and more people share on social media that they are openly Neurodivergent or got diagnosed. Neurodiversity is now a global movement, and I am proud to be part of it. Today I am an advocate and activist for Neurodiversity.

Reflection

Looking back over the past year and a half, I do struggle on some days whether seeking diagnosis was the right path. If I did not go down that path, I would probably still be married. Then again as the saying goes, you cannot put the genie back in the bottle.

Why

I share my story because despite how much I have suffered with these conditions throughout my life, there are many more all around the world who also have these conditions, who are alone and suffer in silence. I hope my story helps others to be themselves. We should never have to hide who we are.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company.