#11: I am Asian and Neurodivergent
May is Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month. It is meant to celebrate achievements and contributions from the AAPI community. However, one area that is rarely discussed is Neurodiversity and its impact on mental health.
Youth
I grew up in Hawai’i in a traditional Asian family. For guys, that usually means getting a high paying job as a doctor or lawyer, getting married, and having lots of kids. The problem is I knew even at an early age that I wasn’t like everyone else. In Chinese culture we celebrated Chinese New Year, they burn firecrackers to scare away evil spirits, but I didn’t like the loud noise. Looking back now and understanding I always had Autism, I had sensitivity to noise.
When going to school I struggled as well. Teachers questioned if something was wrong with me. It was hard to pay attention, follow instructions, or make friends. I was often alone and ignored, even at home.
Prison
Honor, pride, shame, and humility. These are all similar concepts for many Asian cultures that all share the same message: Don’t make the family look bad. This is especially true with Asian families and cultures with deep roots in Confucian thought, which dates back thousands of years in Asia. It focuses on the family, its advancement, and protection. It also places parents and elders on a pedestal where they are worshipped. I remember back in Hawai’i the annual ritual of visiting the graves of ancestors to perform burning of incense and paper money, presenting food, and offering prayers.
Growing up in such a family culture is also like a prison. It made it hard to ask for or receive help, because it would bring shame to oneself and the family. Add to that, having Neurodiverse conditions and mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. So, what does one do? We mask. It is like the Neurodiverse concept of masking. One often must wear a mask to hide feelings and to pretend that everything is normal. It is a prison because many Asian suffer alone in such prisons and they cannot ask for help, even though the walls are invisible and cannot be seen.
Crisis
For a very long time, I thought I was alone in my prison. I never discussed problems with friends or family. Then I saw a short film called “Laundromat”. In it, the director explained many of the same things, how Asian families are so closed and focus too often on career advancement and bringing honor to the family, ignoring mental health.
It very much reminds me of Disney’s Mulan from 1998 where the title character felt that her role in her family was to bring honor to it by getting married and having kids. At the same time, the character also felt unhappy and depressed in the first scenes of the film when she fails to do so. In many ways, this represents some of the top causes of mental health issues in many Asians: making their parents happy and bringing honor to their family.
I know friends who got involved in drugs and alcohol, got pregnant, or got into abusive relationships. All because they felt guilty for not living up to their parents’ expectations. As the short film highlighted, all this has led to a silent mental health crisis in Asian families and communities. Where some would rather commit suicide rather than get help.
Neurodiversity
Now add to all that, I am also Neurodivergent. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD in 2021. I went through formal testing and diagnosis even though I had zero support from family and friends. There are days I feel sad, angry, and upset that I didn’t get help sooner and nobody wanted to help me, not even family. Why? Because for many people, it is better to label a person as a problem, ignore the problem, and walk away. Because it’s not their problem, so why help?
Conclusion
Since my diagnosis, I do what I can to raise awareness around Neurodiversity and mental health as an advocate, ally, and activist. Big reason why? Despite all the reasons above, there are so many other people who are in more difficult situations, suffering alone and in silence, and they need help. Even though nobody will help me, I will do what I can to help them. I am Asian and Neurodivergent.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company.
