#1: Why I Struggle with Relationships
I have Autism and ADHD. They make relationships with others very difficult. Conversations can lead to me being mentally overwhelmed, panic attacks, or mentally shutting down. This was difficult enough, but relationships and even friendships have been made more difficult over the past few years.
COVID-19
When COVID-19 hit the world, it caused many of us to change our lives to adapt and survive the pandemic. However, it also made and continues to make relationships difficult. When working from home, I don’t go out as much. Also, when talking to people it becomes difficult and fills me with anxiety and often dread when friends who I’ve known for many years refuse to get vaccinated or wear a mask. In one instance, a friend’s husband from college believed that the vaccines don’t work and instead they take lots of vitamins. Their entire family got COVID-19. I will not cover the controversies around both as they have divided communities, states, and countries around the world and people very passionate in their positions. Still, these have made me question my relationships with friends, some of whom refused to take the vaccine and got COVID-19. I also have friends who got COVID-19, even when they did everything right. In short, COVID-19 makes relationships harder.
Politics, Racism, and Social Justice
COVID-19 has also divided people along political lines. The political situation in the US has reached a point where it is hard and almost impossible for people to come together in compromise and solve problems collectively. Add into that pot, racism and social justice movements that showed even more divisions within the US before COVID-19 started. I became depressed and full of anxiety after the Atlanta spa shootings in March 2021 that targeted Asians. I listened to talks online and on Clubhouse that showed extreme racial divisions, even among minorities. It was a very educational experience that showed that historically racial tensions run deep in the US and people don’t forget. On social media, I know people that have blocked others whenever they see or hear something they don’t like. This closes the door to dialogue to help address issues today. I prefer to keep the door open to hear differing points of view and to help build bridges. These issues still make relationships difficult.
Being an Asian American
Needless to say, with the rise of China and Asian racism in the US, being an Asian American is hard these days, even more so having Autism and ADHD. Those Neurodiverse conditions are very much demonized in many Asian countries. I grew up within a family with Confucian culture that has shaped countries in Asia for thousands of years. Many Asian cultures reinforce that such mental health conditions must be oppressed and suppressed to the point where people are forced to bow their heads in silence and suffer alone, as I have. The biggest reason why: Confucian culture and values place a strong emphasis on family and especially honoring parents. So, when a person has mental health conditions as I have, it is considered to be very much shameful and humiliating to an Asian family. This means that Asians such as me are reluctant to ask for help or get any support, so we often suffer alone. A short film called “Laundromat” that I watched a few years ago showed me that this is very common in many Asian families today. Realizing all this, I try to break this norm and raise awareness. Neurodiverse conditions are often seen as affecting only white people. The impact on minority communities usually is not discussed in the mainstream media.
Autism and Vaccines
Many people still believe that vaccines cause Autism. I was very much shocked when one of my best friends from high school said that Autism is fake and is part of a conspiracy by pharmaceutical companies. I have known her for 30 years, so I was devastated hearing this since I do have Autism and was diagnosed. It is hard being friends with people who believe Autism is fake or is part of a conspiracy.
Depression and Anxiety
All this has caused me to have increased depression and anxiety, and I am clearly not alone. Many people with Neurodiverse conditions struggle to get help and to live their lives. Just remember: You are not broken, you are amazing, and you will succeed.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company.
